A little Humor for South Central.

[EG6/B16A2]

A small Arkansas Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie Standen, a redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The park administrator thought they might have a solution. Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Eddie showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following four conditions.
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this." The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.
And last of all Eddie stated "You've got to give me another week to come up with the $500.00."

 

[EG6/B16A2]

I say this guy really does not like her one iota... Don't blame him either, but now they might keep her grave site unmarked an secret.

Jane F........... Fonda
Forever green
6 April 2005

Jane Fonda seeks exoneration, Forgiveness from her traitored nation.
What say you warriors fought that war? Is forgiveness due that wartime whore?
So rich, so smart, she thought she knew Much more than us, we bloodied few.
So smug, self-serving, seeking fame, The rich b***h played her seditious game.

A game that cost me many friends, Many, thanks to Jane, came to bad ends.
I've borne scars forty years or more, From lies laid on me by this whore.
Self-serving now she sells her tale, This traitor who should be in jail.
Is it within our souls to grant her grace? Our souls shout, "No... spit in her face!"So self assured, she played high stakes, Telling American prisoners, "That's the breaks."

She accused brave men of heinous crimes, Which were disproved in future times. And now our country knows the truth Jane Fonda betrayed us in our youth. She asks us now to read her book, Americans, the folks this b***h forsook.

So now she crawls, her conscience bare, To tell us she screwed up back there.
Well, hell, we knew that way back then, This Hanoi Jane who helped them win. It was glory then for this airhead star, But forever now she'll bear the scar A scarlet letter she'll now wear,
A stench forever in her hair. So Jane, dear, you must realize, You're the devil in a helmet in our eyes.
When Vietnam vets raise up their toasts It's to damn your soul, to salute our ghosts.
We swear, we living, to our long-dead brave, We'll live to piss upon your grave.
So Jane, good fortune, unforeseen, Your traitor's grave will be forever green.

Russ Vaughn
2d Bn, 327th Parachute Infantry Regiment
101st Airborne Division
Vietnam 65-66

 

[duFf_M@N]

first one was alright .... i chuckled...
second to much reading ....so bah

 

[EG6/B16A2]

Now you'll know everything!!!

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

A piece of paper can not be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man"

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton.. Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)

And the best for last.....

Turtles can breathe through their butts. I know some people like that .. don't YOU?)
Now you know everything there is to know

 

[Silas675]

lol those where funny.

 

[Drive4Fun]

Lol that shits pretty funny, i spent about 15 minutes tryin to fold a peice of paper one more time.....didnt work....my toothbrush has been moved to my bedroom.....and im still looking for a duck....

 

[Liz]

not bad not bad... we must all be real bored...

 

[esedess]

very funny

 

[MiGsB16]

im eating apples in the morning from now on.

 

[OnePointTurboSi]

hahahahaha funny stuff man!!!!!

 

[EG6/B16A2]

very funny

Chris yoou coming to the BBQ right?

 

[JDMspongebob]

Now you'll know everything!!!

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)


Now you know everything there is to know

Both of those are wrong

a ducks quack echos

and reguardless of where the tooth brush is it will yeld the same amount of fecal bacteria (yes s**t) as if is were 3ft. from the toilet.

 

[Silas675]

i saw something about the toothbrush on that myth busters show. so i keep my toothbrush underneath my pillow. lol

 

[racing_kid]

pretty funny

 

[AqueousFila]

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nothin like 'at in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma...."

 

[EG6/B16A2]

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nothin like 'at in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his Son, "Boy, go git yo Momma...."

Can i get one of those also...