I almost murdered my cat yesterday.

[BrokeLX]

No, not my catalytic converter, my Felis Catus. My sorry excuse for a domesticated animal.

Saturday, June 20th 2010. 05:00 hours. I earn some brownie points via running a bath for the wife. Start up Pandora on the iPhone and put on some K-Ci and JoJo. (Nothing gets the ladies hotter than K-Ci and JoJo).

A devious, cold hearted, meat bag jumps onto the counter and sniffs the iPhone 3GS. Apparently this phone doesn't smell like food and is deemed unworthy of being in said meat bag's presence. Two swats later and the Magic phone is under water.

Max Payne slow mo kicks in as I leap through the air. Letting out a "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" mid flight. I reach into the watery depths, scrambling to get a hold of Sharice, my joy filled cellular device borne from Job's own tears. With great speed I pull Sharice from the fathoms of assured PCB death.

Phone on floor, tears fleeting from my eyes, CPR begins. Screw it, I'm done typing that way. I shake the s**t out of my iPhone and sling water every where. I blow that thing Nintendo Cartridge style. And throw it in a bag of rice. Hopefully a miracle happens tomorrow when I try to turn it on.

Cliffs:
Cat pushes iPhone into water
I refrain from killing cat. Her cutness level is over 9000. Head assplode cuteness. Srsly.
Will start therapy soon

 

[connies96hatchie]

Cool story bro. meow =^__^=

 

[LowNotSlow]

Cat was doing you a favor.

 

[buzzbombtom]

this is not even a cool story.

 

[oc_civic]

cats are curious, odd animals that get into s**t.. if you can't accept that.. then you should not own one.. not being a d**k.. but my cat has done some dumb s**t.. and my G/F at times has a hard time coping with it.. "WHY DOES HE TRY TO BITE MY FEET!!!!" "he is playing with you.. if he wanted to hurt you he would wait till you went to sleep and bite your face" lol seriously though.. cats are just like that.. gotta be careful what you leave out for them to get into..

 

[BrokeLX]

cats are curious, odd animals that get into s**t.. if you can't accept that.. then you should not own one.. not being a d**k.. but my cat has done some dumb s**t.. and my G/F at times has a hard time coping with it.. "WHY DOES HE TRY TO BITE MY FEET!!!!" "he is playing with you.. if he wanted to hurt you he would wait till you went to sleep and bite your face" lol seriously though.. cats are just like that.. gotta be careful what you leave out for them to get into..

Because of this post the cat will die at midnight tonight!

 

[JohnS.]

Yeah cat's are like that. My cat does some dumb s**t. He likes to pull tissues out of my tissue box and eat them up into itty bitty pieces and leave them all over the floor. So I have to put the tissue box where he can't get to it. He likes to chew on smaller wires. He's bit through my rear speaker wire, my phone charger, my roommates phone charger, my roommates iTouch charger, my iPod nano AND iTouch charger, and he took bit through only the rubber sleeve on my Sennheiser headset (the sound cuts in and out if you mess with the area). He's finally seem to have gotten the idea not to do that after I've shoved his face in every single wire and lightly hit him on the head a couple times with it. Yes it seems abusive but I'm not actually hurting him. Trust me, I KNOW when I'm hurting him lol. I've gotten my share of battle wounds from him.

 

[Mr. Jollypants]

Because of this post the cat will die at midnight tonight!

I don't see the funny in threatening to kill an animal.

 

[Jaydles]

Because of this post the cat will die at midnight tonight!

And because of your post you die tonight at 11:59.

 

[BrokeLX]

I don't see the funny in threatening to kill an animal.

I can has sarcasm?

And because of your post you die tonight at 11:59.

Damn!

 

[Mr. Jollypants]

I can has sarcasm?!

No.

 

[CDubs]

very well put story...i needed a little brighten up while sitting in this damn cubical....good thing u didnt kill the cat but i would have been pissed and put him out side for while but thats just me....gl with the phone usually the bag of rice works, used it when i droped my phone into the pool back in HS when i swam...had to go down 12 feet to get it =[

 

[LowNotSlow]

try having a 20lb Maine Coon cat, he can get into some serious f**king s**t.

 

[hooked_on4]

Haha you'd hear claws scraping down a wall if that was me, then again i've never owned a cat and never will. Nice narration noob

 

[iluvpho]

great choice of diction, it was a cliffhanger every line haha

 

[My93civiclx89]

No, not my catalytic converter, my Felis Catus. My sorry excuse for a domesticated animal.

Saturday, June 20th 2010. 05:00 hours. I earn some brownie points via running a bath for the wife. Start up Pandora on the iPhone and put on some K-Ci and JoJo. (Nothing gets the ladies hotter than K-Ci and JoJo).

A devious, cold hearted, meat bag jumps onto the counter and sniffs the iPhone 3GS. Apparently this phone doesn't smell like food and is deemed unworthy of being in said meat bag's presence. Two swats later and the Magic phone is under water.

Max Payne slow mo kicks in as I leap through the air. Letting out a "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" mid flight. I reach into the watery depths, scrambling to get a hold of Sharice, my joy filled cellular device borne from Job's own tears. With great speed I pull Sharice from the fathoms of assured PCB death.

Phone on floor, tears fleeting from my eyes, CPR begins. Screw it, I'm done typing that way. I shake the s**t out of my iPhone and sling water every where. I blow that thing Nintendo Cartridge style. And throw it in a bag of rice. Hopefully a miracle happens tomorrow when I try to turn it on.

Cliffs:
Cat pushes iPhone into water
I refrain from killing cat. Her cutness level is over 9000. Head assplode cuteness. Srsly.
Will start therapy soon

i wouldve killed my cat srry but i wouldve as much as i luv him but no excuse for my 500 phone under water.....

 

[K2_civic]

 

[oc_civic]

I can has sarcasm?

you can has ban...

 

[My93civiclx89]

the most important thing in my life my FREAKIN iphone..lmao.....id kill for my phone

 

[BrokeLX]

you can has ban...

Mod?


In any case, she will be punished. No morning treats for two days. No drinking from my bathroom faucet for a week.

She will get her way as usual when I give in tonight.

Pic of Maggie.