need advice and vent....

[CDubs]

so i need some input and a little vent time with life here at home with my parents,

so im 19 years old and in college (community college)

my mom recently stays up until the time i get home and i still have a curfew (which is gay but whatever) but say its 1130 (which is true) at 1131 if i am not home i get a text from her which appears to be nasty and she states she is frustrated and fed up and so on. I work from 8-5 everyday in the summer so i get up around 7am so i dont come up at like 2 or 3 am, its a reasonable time, around 12-1230. Also everything i do wrong turns into the biggest argument or gets blown way out of proportion, lets say i forget to bring one thing out for recycling after i brought everything else out, she yells at me and says im irresponsible, or forgetful, or non trustworthy. My dad also gets pissed but has always had a temper. Im at the point in life where a lot (at least most of my friends) have already moved out, have apartments, or stay at dorms in college. I do not have the money of privilege to be able to do that. Also they keep saying i act like this is a "hotel" and i come and go as i please without paying to stay here and i do nothing to help around the house. Where in fact i do my own laundry, a decent amount of yard work, a lot of cleaning and vacuuming (which is everyother day b.c my dog sheds up the ass), and wash their cars inside and out for them every weekend. Most of the time my parents sit on the computer all day or on the couch watching the tv while i do a lot of the work. Granted i dont mow the lawn all the time among a few other things but it seems like im getting treated like im still 10 years old. They seem to get pissed at everything. I dont know what to do, i just want to leave and get away from the stress of them. Should i talk to them about how i feel, ask them if i can start paying a reasonable and cheap rent payment a month or just deal with it?

i dont want this turning into a huge flaming thread calling me a pussy and s*** like that, i just want real world input on what you guys think would be the best result and way to solve this problem.

 

[buzzbombtom]

move out. what ever the problem is move out. i am not going to finish the read. sorry. sell one of your cars, you have 2 right? only keep one, you work right? get roommates. you are going to miss out on a lot of fun times that even community college provides. mom has every right to be worried, f**k she spent 18 years making you an adult, if you are not at her house she has no right/ability to enforce curfew.

 

[CDubs]

move out. what ever the problem is move out. i am not going to finish the read. sorry. sell one of your cars, you have 2 right? only keep one, you work right? get roommates. you are going to miss out on a lot of fun times that even community college provides. mom has every right to be worried, f*** she spent 18 years making you an adult, if you are not at her house she has no right/ability to enforce curfew.

i did have 2 cars, recently sold my civic to pay for college, and i do work but i dont have money to move out i work and all my money goes to college, i cant get any loans and very little financial aid.

 

[vjf915]

There's solutions to every problem. However, as long as you are living under their roof, you need to live under their rules. If you don't like it, move out. If you don't have the money to move out, there's still options. Stop going to college, get another job, find roommates, join the military. All are options that other people have taken. Or just deal with it.

Never complain about not having feet, as the man who does not have legs would love to be in your position.

 

[XpL0d3r]

Sounds a little strict, I would recommend trying to find a place elsewhere if you're not happy. Since I moved out (away at school), it's been really nice, especially since I like all my roommates.

I pay $300/month + utilities, for a 2 bedroom 3rd floor apartment, with a kickass balcony that's perfect for hookah. I live with two others, so I share a room, but it's a decent sized room, and I'm only ever in there to sleep soo it's okay with me.

 

[cgpEJ6]

Try to meet them half way on things, it sounds like for the most part you probably do but just try to make a little more effort. I would very STRONGLY DISAGREE with the stop going to college and move out advice. Nothing wrong with moving out to go to school, but moving out just to move out without going to school would be a bad choice for most.

 

[antie22]

yeah dude sh*t might get hard and you might want to blow them off and leave at times but trust if you stay and deal with it youll probably gonna be dealing with this s**t for a while....trust ive lived with my angry woman (my mother in L.A) and it was almost hell but ive moved far away(texas) because of college and things are a lil hard because of rent,bills,and other debts but the point is try to work sh*t out with your parents SHOW them that you do what you say your doing everyday!

 

[253eg]

My parents were somewhat close to this. I wasn't going to school or anything of the sort. I woke up, went to work, came home for a lil and would leave till after midnight. My parents would trip and call me all sorts of strict stuff.

I sat down with them and talked with him and I mean a serious talk. We did get frustrated with each other and we did start yelling. But, we had made rules that when things were getting hot, we'd stop the talk and seperate and try again another time or day.

The only thing I can really suggest is to sit down set some rules for this talk and discuss everything. It might take a few times, might take many times to talk it all out and come to a unified closure. But, it could help or could make things worse. I would never suggest stopping school moving out or joining the armed services. Only time I'd suggest stopping school and moving out is if things got horribly bad, ie violence. Joining the service is something you should only do if its what you want or have no other choices on the table.

 

[lowlife9]

when i was 18 me and a bunch of friends rented a house a since there were like 7 of us the rent was very cheap but there were also problems with assholes being late on payments and trash,dishes,yardwork and other things not getting done but it was better then being stuck at home.

 

[JohnS.]

This is the exact reason why I moved out. My mom and I fought to the point where she would be in tears every time we argued. I wouldn't even yell at her a lot of the times. She would just get so frustrated with me, she would start crying. She is SUPER emotional (= VERY bad). You seriously need to move out. Talking with them is a temporary solution.

And you have to realize, they only want what's best for you. I know it may be hard to understand, even if you think you understand, but once you grow older, you truly will understand. My dad got so frustrated with me when I wanted to keep working for a restaurant. I was friends with the owner and best friends with their son, they were willing to raise me to $12.50/hr (which isn't great but it's pretty good) and pay me salary (40 hours/week) regardless of how many hours I worked. He wanted me to quit and get a job at a real company. I didn't want to. At the time, I didn't understand the benefits of health care, dental care, 401k, etc. He got so frustrated with me to the point where he told me to get the f*** out of his life. Now that I'm actually working in the real world, I finally understand. Granted I don't have the benefits but actually working for a company and building a resume and networking... It's a whole different ball game compared to a year ago.

So I'll say it again, you need to move out AND realize your parent's want what's best for you.

 

[vjf915]

This is the exact reason why I moved out. My mom and I fought to the point where she would be in tears every time we argued. I wouldn't even yell at her a lot of the times. She would just get so frustrated with me, she would start crying. She is SUPER emotional (= VERY bad).

You seriously need to move out. Talking with them is a temporary solution.

In this scenario, does your mom = you?

 

[Puma]

I'm going to disagree w/ this entire thread. Kids now a days, and yes I mean majority of this thread b/c I'm older than most and I know DAMN well I came from a horrid household compared to most everyone(VJF can confirm this).

How about a curfew of 8pm, every night when you're in school but your class doesn't end til 9pm so they disable your car but you live in the country?? That's a MINOR thing my parents did. Yes, I moved out ASAP but I also had physical beatings happening to me that landed him in jail.

Living at home may be strict and horrible, but are you paying rent? Are you paying for things for yourself 100% on your own? Are you paying cost of living+car+housing+insurance for apt/car+cell+food, etc? It's good you see you don't make the money, but life is GOOD for you if you're not paying all of that. A curfew does blow, but hey...you're living under their roof=their rules. At least they're not like MY s***hole parents that made me pay HALF THE MORTGAGE, buy HALF THE MONTH'S groceries, pay my car, insurance, gas, plus any clothes, extra spending I wanted to do but ran out of money.

You will open up a whole new case of stress if you move out. Worrying about money, things getting tight, roomie's not making their half then you might get kicked out(then your parents will b**** more thinking you're not responsible).

Yes, moving out gives you freedom and an awesome college experience. But, are you more concerned w/ making a solid future, or partying/enjoying your life? Sometimes you have to endure s***ty conditions for awhile to make something better later. I myself have worked my ASS off not to end up like my f***ed up parents. It's been a hell of struggle being on my own since 17 and having ZERO financial planning/heads up/assistance, but I'm managing now.

 

[joe7987]

Why can't you get any loans? Have you tried? You probably can't get any loans because you don't pay for your house. It's very easy to get student loans. I'm not speaking out of my ass either. I live with my girlfriend and have had to take out student loans to pay for school on top of working.

Living can be very affordable. If you can't afford a place for yourself, get roommates. If you can't find roommates, then move into student housing. If you don't like roommates, then you need to suck it up and deal with either roommates or your parents.

 

[CDubs]

thanks for all the responses guys, it really put things into perspective and gave me a lot to think about and decided what to do. Being i work at a pizza joint and mainly deliver i never know what my pay is going to be. for now im going to just talk to them and try and work things out. joining the military just isnt for me, i support our troops to the death of me, but i could just not do it. leaving colllege right now just is not an option for me, until i at least get my associates degree.

Why can't you get any loans? Have you tried? You probably can't get any loans because you don't pay for your house. It's very easy to get student loans. I'm not speaking out of my ass either. I live with my girlfriend and have had to take out student loans to pay for school on top of working.

last year when i was at Southern Connecticut State University i was overwhelmed with the amount of time and effort i had to put in to be a full time student and swim competitively for a division 2 school. I commuted the 40 minutes to practice every morning for 6am practice and after classes and afternoon practice i would be doing essays and what not until 2 or 3 am. i know that is no excuse, and neither is my next one, but i also got caught up with the wrong people and starting doing a lot of drugs and drinking. long story short i failed out with a .76 GPA and can no longer get loans as easily.

Never complain about not having feet, as the man who does not have legs would love to be in your position.

this hit the spot on helping me, thanks vjf!

 

[Puma]

thanks for all the responses guys, it really put things into perspective and gave me a lot to think about and decided what to do. Being i work at a pizza joint and mainly deliver i never know what my pay is going to be. for now im going to just talk to them and try and work things out. joining the military just isnt for me, i support our troops to the death of me, but i could just not do it. leaving colllege right now just is not an option for me, until i at least get my associates degree.



last year when i was at Southern Connecticut State University i was overwhelmed with the amount of time and effort i had to put in to be a full time student and swim competitively for a division 2 school. I commuted the 40 minutes to practice every morning for 6am practice and after classes and afternoon practice i would be doing essays and what not until 2 or 3 am. i know that is no excuse, and neither is my next one, but i also got caught up with the wrong people and starting doing a lot of drugs and drinking. long story short i failed out with a .76 GPA and can no longer get loans as easily.



this hit the spot on helping me, thanks vjf!

Good choice. Just remember, go to your parents STRESSING to them you appreciate them giving you the opportunity to stay there, and everything they do, and know why they do it. Let them know you're trying your best and it's difficult working weird hours w/ school and you're helping, and again stress that most kids live w/ their parents rent/chore free; but you appreciate it b/c it's teaching you values. (ok it may not be but say it to please them).

GL!!

 

[joe7987]

^^I wouldn't say that most kids live with their parents rent/chore free. I'm pretty sure that would set them off. There's also a decent chance it's not true. Most "kids" leave when they're 18, and this is likely to be the parents' rebuttal. Those who do stay past 18 often are told they have to contribute to rent.

 

[Puma]

^^I wouldn't say that most kids live with their parents rent/chore free. I'm pretty sure that would set them off. There's also a decent chance it's not true. Most "kids" leave when they're 18, and this is likely to be the parents' rebuttal. Those who do stay past 18 often are told they have to contribute to rent.

Then the people that you know, their families head's are on correctly. Seems like every damned kid I come across these days tell me how horrible their lives are yet they have everything handed to them.

 

[CDubs]

Then the people that you know, their families head's are on correctly. Seems like every damned kid I come across these days tell me how horrible their lives are yet they have everything handed to them.

you do have a point, dont get me wrong up until i started to drive i was spoiled a little, but worked my ass off to buy all my cars and everything i put in them, like my rims took months to save up for on my WRX and asaving up for all my cars took a lot of time to save up for but i managed it and got what i liked.

thanks for your help also on your post before joe, defiantly going to take some advice from that

 

[Puma]

you do have a point, dont get me wrong up until i started to drive i was spoiled a little, but worked my ass off to buy all my cars and everything i put in them, like my rims took months to save up for on my WRX and asaving up for all my cars took a lot of time to save up for but i managed it and got what i liked.

thanks for your help also on your post before joe, defiantly going to take some advice from that

If you realize this now, I think you're on the right track. Keep us posted and GL!

 

[JohnS.]

Kelly, marry me? luls