and thats only the surface... i go so much deeper (thats what she said) chris you no longer count, you have a wife and daughter. young, you have a shaved head if your barber uses clippers on your head. 3 guard is still a childish look. gary you are not bald.
here is some more fun reading.
have your own hobbies, but have some common ones, like her sh-it, if she is a painter,say hoe, that painting of a bunny is fu-cking spectacular. if she writes poems you love poems. if she says make plans for the two of you, DONT plan to go crusing in your civic, that is lame to a girl. in fact aside from a VERY VERY SMALL GROUP of girls they dont want to do something revolving around cars racing. take her horse back riding, if you think its gay or lame, chances are it will get you laid. always smile, and laugh, beezies love it when a man smiles. hold your shoulders back dont cross your arms, and make yourself look "bigger" than you are. if you are into the chick for looks, make yourself on her level, you want a fit hoe, you better work out, cuz she wants that sh-it too. write dumb a-ss notes and leave them for her, call her to say i love you for no fu-king reason... but you gotta say it like you mean it...dress like a stud, not a dud. pants go around your waist NOT half way down your a-ss d**k weed. tuck your shirt into your pants, and for god sake wear a colorful button-up. a belt is important, and it must be in the same color wheel as your shoes... AGAIN this is a MUST. i dont want to hear you say "buuuuut im reinventing the wheel" F-UCK YOU. throw away your god awful DC skate shoes, you look like a looney toon with those on. clothes that fit you... you skinny short f-ucks, belong in a medium NOT a large. if you are skinny show that s**t off, make a beezy see you can wear clothes like a boss. women love a successful man, aside from your mtv heros, no successful man, discount drug dealers, wears baggy pants a t shirt and a MOTHER EFFING straight bill ball. we have not even gotten to the actual first date yet!
so you are looking flossy in a NICE sport coat that you got TAILORED to your body, you MUST have close fit to you, its cheap and its a must. dont button your top button on your shirt, you look like a retarded nerd if you do, if you are dairing unbutton the second button. YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CHEST HAIR AT THIS POINT. throw away your axe body spray you are not 5 years old. ONE spray of a sweet or musky cologne. THAT IS ONE FEWER THAN TWO ! DO NOT THINK THAT MORE IS BETTER. assuming you are old enough, try a happy hour for a date. NO moron, not TGIFridays, like a classy place, where the waiter is wearing a tie and they dont have half their menu made in a microwave, and the other half themed off some whiskey... unless its the distillery, that shi-t would be ok. get a couple MANLY drinks. gin tonic, whiskey water, scotch neat.. no fu-cking shooters of fireball, you want to feel this hoe out. listen to the hoes lame ass story, get involved, say faggy things like "shut up" or "no way" fag yourself up, women love a guy who is funny. (now gays are not funny for being gay, but they are funny and animated.. go with it) you can date on a budget at happy hour, get a couple "wild" treats, calamari, or something stupid like that, bit-ches love an adventurous man.... push them out of the comfort zone, JUST A BIT. dont force the lady to eat cat or some shi-t like that.. get a BOTTLE of wine with dinner, ask what kind she likes, she dont care how much you spend but she love it when the damn stupid bottle comes to the table, makes her feel "grown up" do it, sack it up.. dont spend more than 40 bucks, cuz you wont enjoy the damn glass anyways, its just to make her feel special. at dinner get a few small plates to share, ladies love to share your shi-t... get one thing that you know is safe, that is a fall back for her. you are a dude you can eat anything, iron guts, dont wince when you eat snails, bitc-hes love exotic men. dont get dessert in the same place, you have spent too much time in one place, keep her on her toes, dont tell her where you are going, show her you can plan, and manage your time and money, hoes dig that. get some after dinner cocktails, ie port... YOU WILL HATE THIS STUFF dont matter i dont care, drink it and be flossy.
walk around the block, make a move for her hand, if she is into you, and she SHOULD be, she will grab it back, NOW MAKE EYE CONTACT and smile! if you feel things are going good, go for an arm around her hip kinda pulling her in, dont rush it. IN FACT non of you can pull that off yet... skip that move. YOU ARE TOO NEW FOR THIS MOVE, DO NOT TRY. wind the night down take her home, get out of your fuc-king rice burner and walk her to her door you jack as-s hug her, and go in for a kiss. ON THE CHEEK, ITS CLASSY, hell if you have done your job she will adjust course and go for a real FU-CKING DEAL KISS! side buddy tip here, if you drive an annoyingly low car, dont take her out in that pile of want to be race car, its not respectable for a woman to spill out of your car. if you got dampening ability in your sh-it make that beezy ride like a caddy, bitc-hes love soft stuff.. dont listen to rap in the car, that is not the right move, try jason maraz or the smoooth butter rhythmic melodies of the one and only jack johnson, laides love banana pancakes.
